In many ways, my life has pretty much settled down into it’s “new normal.” It doesn’t look anything like what normal used to look like, but it’s been feeling relatively ”normal” now.
Or at least it did. Until today.
You know that old expression, “When it rains, it pours?” Well, it’s pouring a bit right now.
Recently I had to have some major repairs done on my van, completely draining my savings account. The emergency account needed to go to a car emergency. Which is what it was there for, I guess.
The kids and I don’t have quite enough income each month to fully survive (pay for basic things like the space rental for our mobile home, basic utilities, groceries, gas in the van, etc.). I’ve had to use a little bit of savings each month to keep afloat. Which was fine. For awhile. Then the car trouble drained it dry and now it’s tight beyond belief.
Fast forward to today.
I just wrote out this month’s rent check and realized I have exactly ten dollars to tide us over either until the 8th of August or whenever I receive one of several outstanding royalty-related checks I’ve been expecting for several months … whichever comes first.
On Friday afternoon, I knew things were tight but I still felt calm. I had lunch with a friend and was telling her about the current situation. She and I were both a bit amazed at my total lack of concern. It was almost a supernatural calm I was feeling.
But today when I wrote out the space rental check, I felt a tightness in my stomach as I realized that we’re really at the bottom now.
:::sigh:::
So many changes. So many decisions. So many questions. Do I go back to work outside my home? Do I write another book? Do I go back to school? Do I …. do I … do I what?
:::sigh::: again.
Now, I’m not writing this to complain. Just to let y’all know what’s happening. I think part of my purpose in starting this blog was to let people see inside a real life. Not a sugar-coated life. Not a “everything’s wonderful thanks for asking” Sunday morning life. Just a real life. A real journey. The good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful: Kittens, sunsets, grief, family, heartache, loss, joy, faith.
Right now as I sit here typing, the calm I was feeling earlier in the week is a little shaky.
But I know I’ve faced worse than this (much, much worse!) … and I’m still here to talk about it.
So you know what? I’ll survive the next round of changes too. Whatever they might be.
It’s funny, though. Just when I thought I’d hit “new normal,” things changed again. LOL! Someone keeps moving the normalcy line. 
I’m praying for you–with understanding. I’m also a single parent, trying to figure out how to make finances work, while trying to be there for my children as much as possible (not just physically at home, but with something left to give.) Thanks for sharing your trust in the middle of the shakiness. That encourages me.
It’s going to come, somehow, somewhere, when you least expect it - you’re gonna be okay. Somehow.
One thought here as I write this comment is - over on the sidebar I see this list of quotes you have here and now might be a good time to look them over - take at least a five or ten minute break and concentrate on breathing in, breathing out. When the worries and thoughts come, go back to concentrating on breathe peace in, breathe it out.
~Wishing you peace, love and understanding today~
Debi, you and the family are truly in our prayers.
Bless you.
Tim
Debi –
I’ve been following your life for a few months now as I am a subscriber to your Simple Times e-newsletter (I think that’s what it’s called).
You’ve been in my prayers often and again today.
Love to you,
Paula
Hey Debi,
I know the feeling and it’s uncomfortable - and I know everyone will say not to worry, what you need will come. Still, it doesn’t do much to stop the stomach quivers. But, I’m going to say it anyway - whatever you need will come. It’s how life is - I think you should get several brownie points for waiting until you wrote the rent check to get shaky though.
Hang in there, normal is just around the corner.
WC
((Hugs)) and prayers.
I exactly know how this feels!
I can assure you somehow with your faith this shall too pass. Reading the top of your blog, you’d swear I was looking through a mirror, been there, exactly where you are, (without the royalty checks). With the faith you seem to have, you will walk through whatever comes your way. I know though, I’ve already decided everyone will feel my pain, and a hangnail will be the end of the world for me…this whole strength thing just brings more than I bargained for. I’ll keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
You have my hugs and prayers, too! Many times we’ve been in the exact same position, too. May the peace of God overflow in your lives.
Do you have a paypal account? I know you are not asking for donations, but maybe some of us readers can help out a bit.
do you happen to live in oklahoma?
Wow… First time reader here… I’m really amazed at your survival spirit… Without doubt you are an example to many of us who are trying to find their way in life…
If you allow me… I would like to post a link in my site, I’m sure your example will be very useful to many readers…
Good luck and try to stay steady, I know you will.
One day I’ll write an article about money and/or the lack of it:)
For the moment, I want to say that I learned a lesson several years ago and it never failed…
Each time I was “down to the nitty-gritty” I would give some money away. Sometimes, a small amount to a hard working student, a donation to a church for a good cause, like missions or teenagers, a homeless begger. At first I would just hold my breath until the check cleared the bank, later I just did it with confidence.
It never failed! I would be repaid with a windfall of some kind-it was not always money, but something I realy needed.
When giving hurt the most, the reward was plentiful.
I learned whatever the need be, I could respond with an open, easy heart when I knew I should.
My blog is Mining towns in Canada by littlepatti
i just wanted to add that there is no such thing as normal in my book.
That’s not a bad thing!
Much love and many hugs.
~ RubyShooZ ~
Peace, love and understanding.
Debi,
You are in my prayers too. Also, I think Chris is onto something - you may want to consider adding a Paypal donate button.
Many hugs,
Cathy
Ack! I should have added - or an Amazon Honors button.
Boy, I hated the financial life when I was single and I didn’t even have any kids to think about. I will be praying for you.
Sara
Debi -
You have my prayers. God will bless you with enough, it’s just that the timing will be His.