In many ways, my life has pretty much settled down into it’s “new normal.” It doesn’t look anything like what normal used to look like, but it’s been feeling relatively “normal” now.
Or at least it did. Until today.
You know that old expression, “When it rains, it pours?” Well, it’s pouring a bit right now.
Recently I had to have some major repairs done on my van, completely draining my savings account. The emergency account needed to go to a car emergency. Which is what it was there for, I guess.
The kids and I don’t have quite enough income each month to fully survive (pay for basic things like the space rental for our mobile home, basic utilities, groceries, gas in the van, etc.). I’ve had to use a little bit of savings each month to keep afloat. Which was fine. For awhile. Then the car trouble drained it dry and now it’s tight beyond belief.
Fast forward to today.
I just wrote out this month’s rent check and realized I have exactly ten dollars to tide us over either until the 8th of August or whenever I receive one of several outstanding royalty-related checks I’ve been expecting for several months … whichever comes first.
On Friday afternoon, I knew things were tight but I still felt calm. I had lunch with a friend and was telling her about the current situation. She and I were both a bit amazed at my total lack of concern. It was almost a supernatural calm I was feeling.
But today when I wrote out the space rental check, I felt a tightness in my stomach as I realized that we’re really at the bottom now.
So many changes. So many decisions. So many questions. Do I go back to work outside my home? Do I write another book? Do I go back to school? Do I …. do I … do I what?
Now, I’m not writing this to complain. Just to let y’all know what’s happening. I think part of my purpose in starting this blog was to let people see inside a real life. Not a sugar-coated life. Not a “everything’s wonderful thanks for asking” Sunday morning life. Just a real life. A real journey. The good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful: Kittens, sunsets, grief, family, heartache, loss, joy, faith.
Right now as I sit here typing, the calm I was feeling earlier in the week is a little shaky.
But I know I’ve faced worse than this (much, much worse!) … and I’m still here to talk about it.
So you know what? I’ll survive the next round of changes too. Whatever they might be.
It’s funny, though. Just when I thought I’d hit “new normal,” things changed again. LOL! Someone keeps moving the normalcy line. ;-)
And the saga continues: Real Faith