Personal insight can come from the most unlikely places. Who would’ve thought I’d have a personal ”Ah HA!” moment while online looking for information about decluttering.
I was browsing through some articles and websites that said there was a link between chronic disorganization and depression. Hm. Interesting. After my husband’s illness brought about various changes in our lives, I’ve been really struggling to feel “okay” about myself and about my life, and to feel even semi-hopeful about the future. Depression? Probably at least a mild case.
Ever since the kids and I moved into our new home, my housekeeping “talents” have taken a horrible nose-dive. Especially in my bedroom. Oh, golly. I don’t even want to talk about what’s happened to my room as it’s become essentially the dumping ground for anything throughout the house that people didn’t know where it goes.
I just thought it was me, but then I was talking to a woman at church the other day who’d gone through a divorce during the past year, and it turns out her bedroom has done exactly the same thing as mine … become the “dump” for the rest of the house.
After talking with her, I started wondering if there was a connection between 1) the fact that she and I have both become “single” — although for different reasons – and 2) our lack of ability or motivation to keep our bedrooms neat.
Enter the late night websearch for housekeeping, chronic disorganization, and related pyschological motivations.
Something I’d read compared a bedroom to the “inner you.” If the “inner you” is a mess (their theory goes), your bedroom will reflect that reality. And vice versa. So if your bedroom’s a mess, your inner life will be topsy-turvy as well. Hm. Not sure how I feel about all that … probably more than a little bit too “out there” for me to swallow completely. But what if there’s a connection of some sort, even if it’s not quite that clear cut?
I started seeing that I’ve been having trouble seeing myself as someone who needs to be cared for. I’ve been so busy caring for my husband, the kids, the cats, the house, the car, the finances, the bills, the deadlines, the newsletters, the vendor booths, etc., etc., that taking care of “me” just didn’t even make it onto the radar.
The more I thought about it, the more I started thinking that perhaps — just perhaps – if I took care of my bedroom and made it a haven for me, then maybe – just maybe – it might do something to help my mental outlook, as well.
It feels a bit like the ol’ chicken-and-egg quandry … which comes first, the depression or the disorganization? When my house is a mess, I tend to feel badly about my life. But on the other hand, when I feel badly about my life, I tend to not feel like keeping up on the house. A truly vicious cycle, isn’t it?
The only answer to getting off the merry-go-round is to just get off the merry-go-round. So today I decided that rather than saving my bedroom for the very last priority when cleaning (which I’ve been doing for probably a year now), I’m going to make my bedroom my first priority.
This afternoon, I sorted through a number of boxes of knick-knacks and what-nots that had found their way into my room. I filled two large bags with recycling from papers piled around my desk. I made a trip to Goodwill with odds and ends that I have no idea why I’d been keeping around.
And there’s still a lot more work to do. 
But my goal is to have my room completely sorted, organized, cleared out, vacuumed, dusted, and I’ll even run the portable air filter in here for awhile to clear out dust and allergens that may have found their way into my “sanctuary.” It doesn’t feel much like a sanctuary or a haven right now … but, by golly, it will when I’m done!
Doing the whole “baby steps” thing just wasn’t working with this situation. I realized that I needed to dive in, get it done, and then start taking the steps to building new habits for maintaining my room so it doesn’t go wild on me again.
I realized that I don’t have a place where I can go, put my feet up, grab a book or my Bible, and just have some quiet time surrounded by peaceful environs. Currently my only real choice is to sit on the couch in the livingroom, which is fine, but it also means I’m fair game for conversation with anyone passing through the room. It’s sort of like trying to have a peaceful moment in the middle of the Interstate.
I need a sanctuary. I need a place of my own. A haven from the storm. So that’s my goal. A neat bedroom … a tidy work space … a quiet corner with a comfy chair and a good reading light. Maybe a candle or two.
Sounds like a little touch of heaven to me. Wish me luck! 
~Debi
You are not the only person who has piles of “stuff” that gradually accumulate. It is a non stop battle. It reminds me of keeping the weeds at bay in a garden. We are trying to wage a similiar battle in the area where we spend most of our free time…(its’ not really a living room..more of a sitting room..no tv…just lots of books and cross stitch supplies recently. It is also the room w/ the computer….I think your intention to reclaim your bedroom as a sanctuary is right on target….how long do you think it will take to get it back in shape?
Having a haven of your own (my own) is important. And I think you’ve found the crucial point here–when the haven is there, you can find rest.
Wishing a haven of rest for you…time for me to get serious about that, too.
That sounds like heaven to me as well.
I have also been trying to ‘get organized’. I’ve done a fair job on the main living areas so far, but I’m finding that with four kids, baby and husband to pick up after, the maintenance is enormous! Thus I haven’t managed to get to any of the ‘behind the scenes’ organization I want to do. Yet. I keep hoping it gets easier with time.
I found what you said about a link between how you feel and the state of your bedroom very interesting. I have always had a very messy bedroom, but recently can’t stand to have my space become untidy. I find now, though, that I have to be much more organized in other areas of my life than I have ever been before. Very interesting!
Jennifer
I do not have true depression but when I feel mad or down, cleaning helps me process those feelings. Maybe it is the physical aspect of working out my frustration. Since I am usually in a good mood, my house always need work!
Bless you in making your sanctuary. Sometimes, the bathtub is mine . . .
~Debi
Thank you so much for sharing on this topic of clutter and depression.
As it turns out, I had an opportunity to meet with a woman from my church this weekend and found that she was totally depressed and overwhelmed by this same situation. She actually broke into tears because her clutter extends much more beyond her bedroom, but exists in every room in her home. So much so, that she won’t allow anyone, even her closest friends, to come to her home.
I plan to look into some online reading on this topic in hopes of helping her understand what she is dealing with. I also plan on printing your discussion on the matter to let her know that she is certainly not alone.
Thank you and God Bless.
I have felt myself slipping into this same pit this week. The house is full of clutter and I don’t have the energy (physical or mental, and that’s part of depression, right?) to clean it up. It’s was confirming to read your entry and it really motivated me to get moving here. I KNOW I will feel better when I tackle the mess!
As for your room perspective, I hope you USE the haven when it is done. I have been keeping my room spotless since leaving dh. It’s almost like a control issue. I know it’s related to my emotional state. But I NEVER use it as a haven, and that sounds like an excellent suggestion.
Thanks for opening your heart and life here. I am encouraged every time. Thinking of you often, too.
When I was first divorced (my husband left me after 14 years. I had at that time, an 8 year old daughter) – I was going to be the best mother ever – for about 5 minutes.
Then I freaked out. I did lots of stupid things, but I do remember just before the divorce was final, going to spend the summer with my parents. When I came home afterwards, I never unpacked. The whole condo looked like a disaster. There were dirty dishes on the floor that would eventually get picked up. I lived out of suitcases. I was manic at that time – I hated being home and would just stop long enough to change clothes, do hair, shower, sleep a few hours – whatever – and then off I’d go again. This lasted for a few months before it ended and I actually cleaned up.
I was depressed, scared, acting like I was a teenager again – in short, I was a mess. It came right, but it took time. I think I just stopped caring.
When my present husband (whom I met a few months after my divorce, dated for 10 years and finally married when my daughter went to college) had to climb over debris to find a place to sit when he first visited me. He should have run for the hills, but he had his own issues – and all has ended well.
hi deb! i havent been by in a while, as my reading time is often cut short for one reason or another. but i always enjoy your posts. theyre so real.
this one spoke to me. i agree with the concept that the bedroom is related to the core of a person. when your a child in your parents home, your room is the only place thats really yours. when you move out on your own, that stays with you. your bedroom is where you can really express yourself as you are. the rest of the house is for sharing with other family members and guests. the married bedroom simply you and your husband combined. i think its really true that how we take care of our bedroom reflects our state of mind. im really anal about a clean house, not as obsessive as i used to be but still bugs me if its dirty and full of pet hair. working full time and having all my animals is time consuming and energy consuming. if my bedroom at least is clean, and nothing goes in there except bedroom stuff, i feel more able to deal with the rest of the house until i can clean it. like, my house is ok because the bedroom, the core, is clean. even if i dont spend much time in there except to sleep.
as for which comes first, the depression or the messy room, i think they come in together, and the life issue comes first. with your husband ill and virtually gone from you, even while living, thats the central core of your life and household. that room is the one room you shared only with him. the one part of yur life that you shared only with him. it makes sense to me that both areas are affected. im thankful you know Jesus, and can share the room with Him still. both in your heart and in your house.
kïrstin♫
Hi! I was feeling like you were describing my bedroom and other rooms in my appartment. I know that a messy room is connected to depression. But I don’t think I am depressed, at least not more than other people. I have my own issues. But they are kind of normal. Every one has those issues, when they’re female, single and living in a foreign country. My colleagues and friends keep asking me why I am always smiling. I mean they didn’t see me down or in bad mood, almost never. My only problem is that I remained single for a long time. But I think it’s because I was driven for career development. So, serious depression? I don’t think so.