I think tomorrow begins a Spending Moratorium in my life.
I’ve cut down to bare bones as it is, but now I’ve decided that if it isn’t necessary for life (food, shelter, heat), I won’t be spending money on it. No clothing (not even from garage sales or thrift stores).
No food items other than the barest essentials (and ideally I’ll be able to cook from the pantry for awhile). No school supplies. No gum. No coffee. No nothing. Which is a little amusing because I already don’t spend money on much of anything as it is … but I need to cut back to nothing.
I’m going to pay my phone/internet bill tomorrow … but then I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep those things after that. I’ve already cancelled all TV and cable access other than broadcast (which is free). All of our neighbors with wireless internet service have password protected accounts so I can’t “borrow” their access (I’m glad they’re all being smart about their access, though!).
Things have just sort of reached the bottom of the barrel again financially.
I’d hoped to get something moving with maybe an advance for another book or something similar, but nothing’s looking promising at the moment. At least nothing that will pay upfront to keep me going for a few more months.
Fingers crossed that Financial Aid will kick in all right for school in the Fall again, but September’s a long, long time from now. I can’t get Financial Aid any sooner than that, so I’m just sort of stuck in limbo with no income, just a little bit of child support, and my dad’s been helping make sure I can at least pay the rent each month (so at least I’m not concerned about becoming homeless but I am concerned about keeping the lights on — used my last grocery money for the month to pay the electric bill … gotta keep the heat on … but have to eat too).
I went with a neighbor to the Food Bank on Monday. So at least we have food this week now (thank you Auburn Food Bank!). With all our family’s food allergies, though, it’s a challenge to find ways to use the food we were given. Not everyone can eat everything, but at least there are a few options.
Wow, I keep typing things and then deleting them because this is just so dang depressing. Believe it or not, this is the cheerful version and all the bad stuff was deleted. Geez.
I might start sorting through my bookshelves and auctioning things on eBay. Due to where we live, I can’t hold a garage sale until the “official” garage sale day for the entire neighborhood (and that’s not until June, I think). I used to hold garage sales to raise money in emergencies but haven’t been able to since we moved.
So tired. So frustrated. I sat out on my porch in the dark the other evening and cried like I haven’t cried in a long, long time.
This crazy situation that’s my life has gone on for so long now. Giving up isn’t an option, of course, but it feels like I’ve reached the end of my rope and the end of my inner resources.
I’m going to sign off. I guess I just felt the need to talk to someone. Maybe it’d be best if I just go get some sleep now.
Pray? Thanks.
***hugs***
I’ve been following your blog around a year now and you have been a huge inspiration to me. I imagine things are rock bottom – I can’t begin to know how that feels but I can say that you WILL get through it. Because you have such inner strength. Who else could turnaround how it was first time by writing a great book?
Prayers on their way. Chin up! You’re being amazing simply by holding it all together and facing it head-on. You just keep inspiring me!
I am really sorry things are so difficult right now. Would it be possible for you to hold a garage sale at a friend’s house? Sorry I don’t have any better suggestions right not but I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
Ditto to everything Sacha just said! (including the hugs!)
Debi, You said, “Giving up isn’t an option, of course, but it feels like I’ve reached the end of my rope and the end of my inner resources.”
Remember, that is exactly where the Lord wants you to be ~ at the end of your own resources so that He is the One you are relying on. He is Able! That’s a song I saw on You Tube years ago, sung by Wintley Phipps… here’s a link I just found and listened to it again:
http://www.gospelvideotv.com/video/892/Wintley-Phipps–He-Is-Able
It’s a most encouraging song, and while my trials are not the same as yours, it helps remind me to look only unto Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our faith… He IS Able dear sister in Christ. And as Ann Voskamp says, All’s Grace.
Love and prayers, Kay
Our food bank also gives some assistance with rent/mortgage, utility bills, etc. Perhaps yours does, too…they may only be able to do it once, but it is something to look into, if you haven’t already.
Praying! Please forgive me for asking, because I do not know the ages of your kids, but are they old enough yet to do odd jobs in the neighborhood to make ends meet, or could they be a Mommy’s helper. Could you take on a few babysitting jobs here and there, you know, kind of make yourself known? Tutoring? You are such a great writer with such a great sense of humor, I would think you would be great around kids and maybe help them become great writers, too!
There is a book called Aftershock, (don’t remember the authors) which describes the dire situation our economy is heading toward and they mention that one job that will be safe will be in education. I would think tutoring would fall into that category.
I doubt any of this is new information since I have no doubt you have turned over every rock looking for a job, including the temp agencies. Networking is usually the best way to find a position since a personal recommendation by someone helps remove some of the unknown when hiring, so please make sure your circle of friends, university professors and church family know what you are looking for. Tell your children to tell their friends. Have you checked the university bulletin boards? Don’t forget Craigslist to sell things or offer services for childcare, pet sitting, house sitting, or whatever you want to do. Auburn, WA has a government website with a few openings. There are even volunteer positions, and while I understand you don’t have gas money to volunteer, I only mention it because it could broaden your network and lead into a paid position. I want to believe someone out there is looking for your abilities, good work ethic, and experience. I will be praying you make the connection immediately. God bless you!
Check with the Salvation Army Thrift Store or the Salvation Army. They do help with rent in some circumstances. Also check with the local hospitals. Doctors request sitters for some patients that might pull IV’s etc. out. You do not need medical training to get on the list and yes you get paid.
We will remember you in our prayers.
Don’t forget to complete your tax return ASAP. You could have a refund since you have earned income and dependent children. Free income tax preparation is available through a volunteer tax preparer program. Here is the link:
http://www.irs.gov/individuals/article/0,,id=107626,00.html
Praying God renews your strength and hope.
I wanted to let you know that you can get free reusable products from the Wastemobile collection site at the SuperMall. They are there every Saturday and Sunday now. We’ve gone there and ended up with dishwasher soap, laundry soap, fabric softener and a bunch of other stuff. It’s pretty awesome.
Also, I sign up for all sorts of freebies through Facebook. I get samples in the mail almost everyday. Let me know if you want some links.