I keep waiting until I have something profound to say before I post. Which never happens. So I seem to never post anymore. ;-)
So I decided today to just start posting more often, whatever comes to mind. Life, the journey. It isn’t always important stuff that makes it worth the trip, right?
Today my oldest daughter and I were talking about how we probably would’ve been a close-knit family anyway, but the trials we’ve experienced have bonded us together in ways that many families don’t experience. Nobody else, no matter how much they love us or care about us or understand us, fully “gets” what we’re experiencing … except each other.
For example, to whom else could one of my kids say, “I’m feeling sad. Father’s Day is this weekend.” And we all completely and totally “get” the fact that one of the most painful, traumatic days of the year is almost upon us.
To whom else can we say, “I’m about to graduate! I’m so happy. But so sad, too.” And we all get it. Deeply and profoundly.
Other people sympathize. There are some who even understand to a certain extent. But nobody else shares the depth of understanding — and the almost wordless communication — that happens between my kids and I.
One of my kids said to me recently, “I wish my emotions were more straight forward. That if I’m happy about something, I could just be happy and not have this almost funeral-like air lurking quietly in the background of even the happiest times. It’s almost like in the midst of celebrations, I need to plan a day into the schedule just to breakdown and cry.”
Well, yesterday was one of those “breakdown and cry” days for us. This weekend is going to be wonderful … and difficult. Commencement ceremonies (without Dad in attendance) … and another Fatherless Father’s Day.
And so on we go. Happy. Sad. Grieving. Rejoicing.
Life.
Having had a similar experiance, I do sympathize. I suggest the “make other plans” method of dealing with father’s day. Maybe that could be the stay in pajamas and watch old stupid movies day or play games and eat pizza day. I wish you all the best!
My heart goes out to you and your kids. It’s one of those days that never gets easier. It’s always a stark reminder of what is missing. Prayers and hugs for all of you.