Follow me …

I just realized that I’ve started posting more frequently on my public Facebook page than I used to.  I’ll be posting less frequently here on this blog, but if you want to keep in touch and get occasional updates, recipes, tips, jokes, etc., Facebook may be the way to go.

https://www.facebook.com/debitaylorhough

Hope to see you there!  🙂

~Debi

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Back into hiding …

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So I bravely stuck the tip of my toe into the water of being gut-wrenchingly open and transparent on this blog.  And I have to say, I’m feeling way too vulnerable and afraid.

Knowing that my readers have no idea what has happened in my life over the past two+ years, leaves a lot of room for misunderstandings and judgments.  But I’m not currently — if ever — ready to reveal what’s been happening.  It’s too personal, too scary, and also involves people who I feel I don’t have the right to tell their stories publically for them.

Let’s just say I’ve lived through my worst nightmares and am still trying to find my way to a life worth living again.

As there are so few people still reading this blog (less than a handful from the blog stats), I’m just going to go back to privately journaling and regaining my sense of self and personal well-being.

I’d thought that perhaps sharing my own painful journey of healing might be beneficial to others.  And I’ve heard from several folks that it has been helpful for them.  But if sharing my successes and steps forward (and my failures and steps backward) bring me to a place of pain and fear again, then it’s probably not in my best interests at the moment to be that open.  Perhaps later?  Maybe.  Perhaps not.

I may still share things from time to time here.  Photos, poetry, funny stories.  But the vulnerable sides of me will be kept for my personal journal.

Thanks for being there and being understanding.  Sorry I’m being flaky about this blog, but part of the reason I started sharing a little bit again was to figure out if it was a good outlet for me or not.  “Not” is the answer, I guess.

Take care.

~Debi

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Still not sure about direction of this blog

You’re all going to start thinking I’m the flakiest blogger on the planet.  I think it’s partly fear that keeps me from deciding on which way to go and what the future will look like for my online life.  I think this post will be a collection of Facebook musings from my personal Facebook account.  I don’t really use any of my Fan Pages anymore, so if you thought you’ve been missing posts, no worries.  No posts = nothing to miss.  🙂

So much has happened since I used to blog regularly.  So much has changed.  I’m honestly not the same person I was two years ago.  I don’t know how to bridge the gap between “before” and “after” without making myself more vulnerable than I feel comfortable with at the moment.   Can we just say, “Hang on for the ride, folks, things might get a bit dizzy or unsettling at times”?

I have started keeping a little notebook that I carry in my purse to write down ideas as they come to me.  Ideas for this blog, but also ideas for articles, books, poetry, crafts, home maintenance, recipes, thoughts, topics to talk with my therapist about, things to tell my friends when I see them next, etc.  Rather than trying to overthink this blog, I may just start randomly choosing a topic from my notebook that speaks to me in the moment.

Thanks for sticking with me through this transition.  If you think this is disjointed and crazy, you should see my life.  🙂

Okay.  On with the current round of Facebook Tales:

  1. So I had my car detailed, inside and out this week. The first morning after the detailing, a bird had somehow pooped on the back of the car while it was parked in my carport. And we’re talking a MAJOR poop, here. Those darn random pooping birds. Evidently they’re why I can’t have nice things.
  2. IN HONOR OF GRANDMA — Every mid-morning and mid-afternoon, my grandmother would sit at the kitchen table with a cup of tea and a cookie. I started giving her boxes of fancy teas for her birthday each year. One day she asked me, “Why do you give me tea all the time?” I told her it was because she loved tea so much, and she laughed and said, “I only drink Red Rose. I don’t like any other teas.” She had been regifting the gourmet teas from me for years.
  3. I was going to clean my kitchen today. And clean the fridge. And mop the kitchen floor. Instead, I’ve been sitting on the couch watching cat videos. Hey, it’s cold and snowy. That’s my excuse. (Although it’s not snowing in my kitchen, but that’s completely beside the point.)
  4. A Day in the Life of a Middle Aged Whovian – Package comes in the mail. How cute! A charm bracelet. I love charm bracelets. Let’s take a look and see what charms are on it. A TARDIS?! SQUEE! (Okay, I think I see already where this is going.) Bad Wolf? Squee! Two hearts! Squee! Clock face! Squee again. An electric guitar! Double Squee! A rose! An angel! Stopping briefly to catch breath. A sonic screwdriver!! Squee! A severed hand! 🙂 Now out of breath and smiling so much, my cheeks ache.  Made my day. Always nice when someone acknowledges and supports my Doctor Who obsession.
  5. Drat. My cat, Friday, has discovered he likes my new water filter. Within seconds of putting my glass of filtered water down on the coffee table, he had his head in the glass drinking. Guess I’m going to have to use covered cups now. I don’t blame him, though. The filtered water is GOOD.
  6. I am so easily amused. I was just playing with the predictive text on my phone and laughed so hard at the message it gave me. “I am part of the bathroom window so probably best for everyone if I don’t want to sit by myself.” Yeah, probably for the best.
  7. I was just looking at my Wish List on Amazon and I think it looks like the Wish List of a Middle Schooler. Chewing gum, CDs, Toys, Doctor Who, Star Wars.
  8. The second subscription box of cat toys and treats arrived today. Super cute transportation-themed toys. Taxi, sailboat, helicopter, anchor. Do the kitties care about the delightfully themed toys? Of course not. The only “theme” they like is paper. Paper boxes. Paper wrapping. They sniffed each toy, sniffed the dried salmon treats, and ended up fighting over the box again. My cats are in a rut. (I really do think the toys are adorable, though, even if they aren’t play-worthy.)
  9. I just thought I’d found the secret to getting the cats to play with the toys. I put the toys in the box! Pye ran right over and I thought it was successful. I watched him patiently pick up each toy and set it outside of the box. After the box was empty of toys, he went on about his business and lost interest in the toys. I get the message. Toys must NOT be in the special box. 
  10. A Facebook quiz said my celebrity Valentine this year is Jamie Dornan.  Oh, dear.  Um …  50 Shades of Nope.
  11. I ran out of Sticky Notes.  How will I remember to buy Sticky Notes without any Sticky Notes to remind me to buy Sticky Notes?
  12. Pye was playing with the bunny. Suddenly the noise level increased and it sounded like elephants running around my dining room. I was about to holler at Pye to calm down and not be so rough with the bunny … but when I looked up, it was the tiny bunny chasing the cat. Oh. Never mind. Carry on.

Maybe next time when I post — hopefully sooner rather than later — I’ll have something worthwhile to say.  Or not.  Whatever.  I’m going to lose readers, aren’t I?  “My goodness, this Debi is a flaky one.  I hope it’s not contagious.”

Not you. Talking to myself.

 

 

Still thinking about this blog


I’m still not certain what I want to do with this blog. Other times when I’ve blogged, I had very specific ideas about what I wanted it to be, what I wanted to share. Basically I knew the mission for the blog. This time it’s very different. I feel sort of like I’m wandering aimlessly. But don’t they say that all who wander are not lost? I think the wanderers are probably just trying to find coffee. But I digress. 🙂

Today I was walking the trail around the ball fields at the YMCA where I workout several times a week. If it’s not raining, after my workout I cool down by walking the trail. It’s not a very interesting walk, but it has become almost a time of meditation. Walking. Walking. Walking. Breathing. Watching the clouds. Feeling the sun on my face (rarely during winter days in the Seattle area, but much appreciated when it happens). My walk has become my thinking space and a time to practice mindfully taking one moment, one step, at a time.  (The photo is the view of Mount Rainier from my walk.)

All that to say, I think I want this blog to be a thinking space and a time for me to take one moment at a time. I’m torn about this idea of having this blog being something I do mainly for my own benefit. I’m so used to writing and speaking and teaching in order to meet the needs of others. To help them simplify their lives. To encourage them to find joy and meaning in their roles as parents, spouses, home educators, co-workers, bosses. I had a purpose. My books and blogs and articles had a purpose. Writing for my own purposes sounds self-centered after so many years spent writing for the sake of others.

What if nobody wants to read my musings here? Will I be okay with only a small audience following along and reading now and then? I don’t know. But I think by asking these questions and acknowledging my uncertainties and reservations about this undertaking, I may have taken the biggest step toward actually following through and doing it. I want to let go of my expectations and my critical inner voice. I want to trust in the process and not worry about the finished product. I want to practice healthy choices and self-care. Physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and even environmentally. I want to be brave enough to not worry what people will think. To not be frozen into inaction by fears of what others may do or say. To be brave enough to share me. The new me. The me who’s in progress. The me who’s uncertain, afraid, insecure, questioning, exploring, dreaming, living.

I had planned to sit down and write about how I started working out regularly, but side-tracked myself with musings about this blog and its future direction. Tomorrow I may write about the gym. I’ve been told it’s an inspiring story. It doesn’t feel inspiring to me, but I am proud of myself for sticking with it. And losing 25 pounds in two months, too! 🙂

Stay tuned ….

~Debi

Updated the “About” page

I just updated the “About” page for this blog.  Even if you’ve been hanging around here for years, please take a moment to check it out.  Things have changed a great deal from the “Life: The Journey” days and you’ll probably want to get up to speed so you don’t wonder what on earth happened to the old blog.

“Life: The Journey” served a purpose for me in an earlier stage in my life, but the journey has changed as I’ve changed over the years, and the previous story about my husband’s illness, my church activities, and my children have all moved into new stages (or moved on entirely).

Anyway, please take a moment to read the updated “About” page.  Thanks!

About – Through My Window

~Debi