I have another blog that I keep anonymously which deals with some very sensitive subjects. I haven’t used that blog for a couple of years because it just got too hard for me to handle. Several people I know personally have told me they don’t understand why I wouldn’t want to share openly online about these important topics since my sharing would possibly be helpful to others in similar situations. But these folks have zero experience with sharing sensitive topics online, and have no idea how mean the trolls can be. I’m really not in a position to handle mean-spirited personal attacks, so I choose to be anonymous if share, but more often than not lately, choosing to not share at all.
Anyway, I’d decided to put my toe back into the water with that other blog. I was sharing about a heart-breaking moment, and someone commented with a long-winded version of “you’re a Borderline Narcissistic Whack-job and I’m going to send all my friends to trash you and anything you write forever!” I had a link to a book (written by someone else), and it appears the trolls left my blog and then went directly to this other person’s book and trashed it on its Amazon reviews. 😦
All that to say, the internet is a scary place to be open and honest, especially if you tend to be on the sensitive side. I know they were just being mean and just acting like trolls, but I have trouble handling people yelling and calling me names, whether it’s a troll online or a person in my life. It’s hard to just let these things roll off my back. But I’m working on it.
In other news, February’s over. Which hopefully means our random unseasonal snowstorms are over, as well. To celebrate the passing of February, here’s a painting I did for my own birthday (Feb 12th) of February’s birthstone, Amethyst. And in keeping with the purple theme, there’s also a painting of Violet the bunny. 🙂 I’m still working on learning to do watercolor, but now that the weather may be getting a bit nicer, I hope be out doing photography again soon.
What hobby do you practice just for the fun of it?
The family history project I’ve been working on was originally something I wanted to do that would be based upon a cross-country road trip I want to take to the actual places where my ancestors have lived. Basically starting at Plymouth and moving West, eventually across the Oregon Trail and then up into Washington State where I am now.
The family history road trip is definitely on my Bucket List, but I realized that, because of the time and expense involved, this trip wasn’t going to happen any time soon. It was so disheartening to think that this project that means so much to me, may not actually come to fruition. This Spring, I asked myself, “If I never go on the road trip, does that mean I can’t ever do the project at all?” I realized that it might not be my dream way to accomplish it, but I could do research here at home and write up something. It seemed like a second best option, but better than nothing.
So this July, I’ve been researching and doing writing on the family history project as part of NaNoWriMo Camp. And you know what? To my surprise, I’ve been learning things I don’t think I would’ve learned on the road trip. Now, rather than feeling that writing without the road trip is a second best option, now I realize that writing now is actually making the project richer and more relevant to my life and to today. After I get a first draft together, that might be an even better time to take the road trip. Seeing things firsthand would give an added depth to the story (perhaps). But even if I never take the trip, I can still do the project.
I guess I’d been limiting myself to my vision of what I wanted this project to be without really being open to other possible expressions of that same vision. Changing my focus slightly opened new doors and allowed me to break through a wall that had been keeping me from my dreams.
How ’bout you? Is there anything you can shift your view of in order to see new possibilities in your own life? What happens when we shift the lens and change the focus?
I’ve decided to do Camp NaNoWriMo this July, working on the first draft/outline of an ambitious project I’ve been procrastinating about. I thought maybe if I post updates here now and then throughout the month, it may keep me motivated. Or it may not. We’ll see, shall we?
The project I’ve been working on is a combination of family history, personal memoir, creative nonfiction, historical fiction, literary fiction, poetry, and visual art. I think of it as a collage of words and art and ephemera that tells a story based on the flow of history. My family’s story. My story. And I’d even go so far as to say our country’s story.
I’m been researching this project on-and-off for about five years. I decided it’s finally time to sit my behind down in a chair (or on the couch) and actually work up the first draft. Or as Ann Lamott would say, “the sh***y” first draft.
Speaking of Ann Lamott and her fabulous book, Bird by Bird, she says if you have a large overwhelming project (such as a huge catalog of birds), just get started and tackle the project bird-by-bird. So, I’m following her advice and dividing this work into smaller, generational bites. Taking it generation-by-generation. Beginning with Puritans arriving in Plymouth and Scituate in the late 1600s.
This is a sixteen generation story I’m attempting to tell. Seventeen generations if I include my children, but I don’t think I’m going to write them into the story because their stories are still being told as they live their lives. They can write their own stories someday. Or their descendants can. Actually, I may not include any generations still living which would include my dad and myself.
I don’t anticipate getting the entire first draft done this month, but I know I can make a substantial dent in the project if I keep with it.
So, on we go …